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Brief Interludes

Routines, schedules, compliance ...

The institutionalization of an independent mind, a life. No matter an individual's will to resist, and no matter the degree in which you can, we all eventually succumb to the enforced program. There is no choice, if you want to participate in activities such as eating, getting an hours outdoors, having something to read, or watching a movie.

So any interruptions are disconcerting, for the most part, the Brief Interlude, takes an emotional toll like no other ... unless a person is so detached as to be sociopathic.

Apparently I am not this way, because the Brief Interlude of which I am speaking of here affects me greatly.

The effect of a visit from someone you care for, or to a greater degree love, cannot be trivialized. No matter the level of elation brought on by the unavoidable anticipation which builds as the time grows nearer, you simply cannot counter it. The crash from that emotional high is devastating. It sometimes takes me days to recover some sense of normalcy. Days in which I avoid activities and other people lest some unbidden emotion elicits a verbal or even physical outburst.

If you suffer from even mild depression, as I do, then the effects are even more profound. Too much sleep, lethargy, anger, dejection ...

What can you do though? Say no to a loved one or a friend who wants to come and see you? Sometimes the answer to that is yes, as inconceivable as it might seem to some. To someone looking in it appears to be dismissive of their efforts to reach out to you, of selfishness on your part, but is selfishness not the truest part of survival?

Wether a conscious gesture, or an unconscious one, the result is an act of self-preservation, but not one completely devoid of the considerations of other's feelings. The intent isn't to hurt someone, even though you know it is likely to. No matter how you explain the reasoning behind a decision like this, a person not in here, not having to experience the convoluted existence of being sentenced to death cannot totally made to truly understand why.

I also see the emotional impact it makes on some, and so through this seemingly selfish act of saying no, in my mind at least, to push them away is to save them from being in this situation.

The old adage that says "If you love someone, then set them free", has more than one interpretation, doesn't it?

Another form of Brief Interlude is that of the stranger introducing themselves into your life. These include the long absent friends or relatives.

For the intervallic friend and relative you have to accept their meaning is well intended even though it is not well thought out. People you know from a past not here hurt you the most by their coming and going. Some of that is from the fact that it hurts them to see you in that situation, for others it simply comes down to the inconvenience of the mode of communication. In this present world of almost instant connection through the many and varied social media outlets, to take the time to write a letter seems archaic. To do so, or not, is a reflection of how much a person cares for you, or not.

Given this is so, would you then take preventative measures in order to avoid hurting feelings on both sides? Again, not that it's completely their fault. Just you, the one subject to this environment, lose certain social skills. And so it becomes increasingly more difficult to interact, especially with someone you have never met. To them you must seem alien, or like a troglodyte. While you do appreciate the sentiment behind the contact, the apprehension of the almost always vanishing act is a further cause of the actions and reactions a person in here takes to avoid the expected loss.

If a person cares enough to allot another the time it takes to compose a letter once a week, or even twice a month, then it can develop into a true and lasting relationship for life. One that is not built on convenience and superficiality, but that is built on a foundation of dedication and the desire for such. Which is the furthest thing from a Brief Interlude.

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